Empaths and Addiction

Let me explain what being an empath looks like and then we will combine and discuss what an empath looks like with addiction. An empath is described as “Being affected by other people’s energies, and having an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others. Your life is unconsciously influenced by others’ desires, wishes, thoughts, and moods. Being an empath is much more than being highly sensitive and it’s not just limited to emotions.” Insane, right!?! Imagine how many of us walk around like this day to day with no idea that it isn’t US that is depressed, sad, suicidal, but our coworker, child, spouse and we channel it into our energy system looking for antidepressants, drugs, alcohol or any other fix to ease our emotions. MANY of us live exactly like this and the very scary fact is… we are completely unaware!

Because of the overwhelming emotions we look for ways to numb, to cope. This is where addiction rolls into the picture and turns a misunderstood process into a disaster. Because we are not aware that we have collected everyone else’s energy into our already overloaded systems, we meltdown and look for a way to become comfortable. Think about this. Even those coming from the most comfortable homes in America have emotional baggage- it just happens because that’s what life is in moments- a collection of hurt, loss, anxiety and the list goes on. So let’s take those that have all of these amplified by the extreme, add everyone else’s energy to theirs because after all, they are EMPATHIC, and throw them into the world to see how the “deal.” This is where the addict comes into motion. They have no tools for coping and although many of us empaths figure it out, keeping our addictions of eating, smoking, drinking, to a maintainable balance, an addict cannot. They need to be numb because it is overwhelming- they literally feel like they are crawling out of themselves trying to cope. Those of us blessed with an addict in our lives go insane wondering why they cannot get themselves together, why WE are not worth them changing, getting a hold of their addiction. We love them so much, yet we are powerless and watch the tailspin losing parts of who we are with them.

The process does not have to look this way, I promise! We too, are most likely empaths and we are coping, handling things. Even if we don’t understand the full aspect of how we work it out- we do. Because of our own innate ability to feel others’ pain and emotion, loving an addict makes the process harder and each day that we lose a little more of ourselves with them, we ask “why, how”, and scream at the LORD to make it stop. These steps will help release the expectation of how your addict should handle things, what their process should look like.

You have to let them go! An addict will tell you anything to make you believe it is you and not THEM. They will lie to your face, cry, scream and make you believe it is all YOU. Stop all contact with them until they hit rock-bottom and ask for help. This isn’t help with money, a place to stay or anything to enable them. This is “take me to rehab” help. Understand this will be the hardest process of the entire story. Walking away from someone you love more than anything in life is devastating. Life altering. You will worry if they are dead or alive and yes, there will be many sleepless nights but I promise, it will get easier day by day.
Don’t expect a recovery! I know what you’re thinking- “what in the hell, Jess! Seriously?” YES! You have to release all expectations of what your addict will do because it is NOT your story, your life. Being a supportive roll means being there when and IF they hit rock-bottom and not a minute before. Every time you give them what they want, the process and time frame for recovery starts all over again. Stop where you stand! I am not saying give up, I am saying pray for their highest healing and pray for your strength and sanity. Do not try to play their game by manipulating them, controlling them, and cornering them. They win every time; they know their addiction better than you! You have to release all expectation but I do know there is always room for change and some addicts WILL find their way to recovery and healing. Never give up, but step away.
Believe in yourself! Loving an addict is ugly. As I stated above, you do lose parts of yourself with the process and it is devastating. How can someone that loves you sit and lie to you, eye to eye? How can they sneak, lie, and manipulate you into their world and all of a sudden you believe you’re the crazy one? This happens easily because you are an EMPATH, as well. You have to stand strong in your beliefs and know you are doing things the way they need to be done. Your addict does LOVE you and you will feel this, making you second guess everything. Until they are done with the addiction, and I mean completely surrendered, they love their addiction more. As long as they make excuses to keep using, you are not the priority. There may be a point where you have to walk away for good because the addict will never see the truth. They wont want to give up their addiction, no matter how much they love you.
Be STRONG!When your addict is finally ready to surrender and begin the road to recovery they will break and all of the hurtful things they have done will finally surface and it will be hard for them to handle. All of the lies will come out, the hurt they have caused will be raw emotion, and they will be broken. This will bring shame, grief, heartache and you will need strength and patience. They are finally being vulnerable and looking for recovery- support them where they are and give them a safe space.
Most importantly know that if YOU are an addict there is hope and life does not have to be this way. Rehabilitation, therapy, love, and a will for a better life can help you change everything. I was blessed to have a client Monday that has been clean from the needle and meth for six years. She was a junkie and had used since the age of thirteen. She lost her family, friends, and life for years and had no hope. One incident changed all of that for her and her 40 something year old boyfriend who was also a needle user. Though they are not togehter, they are both SOBER and have tools as empaths to handle their emotions and addictions. Never give up!!!

Suicide and Afterlife

Suicide is never an easy thing to discuss and there are many, many opinions and beliefs based on the individual’s religious/spiritual views and societies heavy hand on the subject. I’d like to talk about suicide from a spiritual perspective, from Spirit’s perspective. All mediums have their own set of ideas on suicide and spiritual connection and I have heard many that I agree with and many that make me shake my head and give a violent eye roll. I have channeled many Spirit passing by their own hand and none of them have ever stated they were in “limbo” or stuck. I remember when my little brother passed, he took his own life on my dad’s back porch and my pops found him early that morning when he went out to make sure my brother was up for work. That day shook my world, my dad’s world- he honestly has never been the same since. Back when this took place I was very Christian and it just tore my heart out of my chest to think my brother was being tortured or stuck because of his choice to leave this journey early. He was only a baby in my eyes, just short of being 19, and who is anyone to say a child full of depression should suffer and be stuck in some “bad” place? I had many sleepless nights and one anxiety attack after another pondering if this was true. Soon after his passing and deep into my uncertainties, I started receiving signs from JJ one after the other. The phone would ring but no one was there; he would send me a song I had never heard by the Nixons called “Sister” over and over and my lights would flicker and turn on and off almost on demand. (SIDE-NOTE! Remember at this point in time I was not channeling and had no idea I was a Medium!)

I built a relationship with my brother based on evidence. Anything he could give to show me he was still alive I would take and thank him. His energy and presence grew and grew each time I validated his effort. During this time I realized he wasn’t stuck or in pain or not available- he was still JJ- still available and communicating with me like a crazy guy! As a matter-of-fact my youngest daughter who is now 13 would receive validations from JJ more than I would! They had a deal where he would turn the street post light on and off for her on demand and once my girlfriend who was working in England called and asked why my brother was telling her “Monkey” or something like that. Monkey is Cendle’s nickname and my brother was giving her a message! How very cool, right?

My brother sent validation of his eternal being and I assure you if he was stuck this would not have been the case. I learned that those that cross themselves over do not get stuck and countless Spirits have confirmed this throughout my three years as a medium. Those that cross over before their lessons are learned do not escape the reality that they have to work very hard to get back on track and still very much have to deal and cope and grow through all of those emotions they bailed out on. Each Soul has their own way of doing this and their individual time frame that they will do this in. Send your loved ones prayers daily to help with this. Prayer is the most important thing we can give to those living and those in Spirit. Most importantly, don’t lose faith! Believe that those in Spirit are still very much present and in your life. Just because he or she no longer has their physical body does not mean they no longer live. Our Soul is like electricity and never, ever dissipates. It lives on eternally.
Love & Healing,